As my daughter grows up and develops into adulthood, and down the road gets married and has kids of her own, is it still possible to travel together and still get along? Here are seven tips on how to make a vacation with your adult children a fun and memorable experience.
1. Talk About Priorities and Goals Beforehand – With kids, you might give them a couple of choices on where to go, say Florida or South Carolina, early in the planning process. But with adult children, you have to come into the discussion more as equals. If you don’t already have a place in mind , get their input from the beginning. That doesn’t just mean the physical place you’re traveling to. Ask what do they want out of the trip? Adventure? Discovery? Relaxation? Quality family time together? Have everyone sit down, or even get on Facetime together, and really discuss everyone’s interests, priorities and goals for the trip.
2. You Have to Talk About Money
During the planning stage, budget has to be a part of the discussion. Are you covering everything? Are you paying for the cruise, but the kids are on their own for alcohol, excursions and extras? Are you splitting everything 50/50? Don’t let your children think you’re paying for everything like you always did in the past, and then have an argument in a restaurant when the bill comes. That’s not fun for anyone. If they need to save/budget for the trip, let them know that way in advance.
3. Remember to Compromise
While this is important with most any trip, now that your children are adults, they might have very specific preferences about things that weren’t on your radar. They could have strong opinions on things such as hotel type and location, what excursions or side trips are important to them and how much money to spend. Even food choices can be an issue. You might want to have a big breakfast every morning while they want to sleep in and have lazy mornings. Don’t fume over when they’re going to get up—talk about that before you leave home so no one is disappointed or surprised.
4. Add in Some Flexibility
Some free time to add in something you didn’t think about—or just to have quiet time—is important, especially if you’re all traveling as adults for the first time as some surprises are bound to come up. Someone may be a lot more tired from the activities than everyone else, or a few people may be restless with the idea of yet another day at the beach. Giving your schedule some days that are more free-form may be the stress release everyone needs midway through the trip, especially if some things aren’t going the way they expected.
6. If Your Kids Have Small Children of Their Own, Take Their Needs Into Account First
It’s easy to forget how central to vacation planning the needs of little ones become. Give your adult children plenty of say in everything, and stick to family-friendly places, from resorts to restaurants. Don’t try to fit in too much, as that is stressful for both parents and little kids. And most of all, remember that everyone has different parenting styles.
7. If They’re Younger Adults, Give Them a Chance to Screw Up
If your kids are in their late teens or early 20s, you likely have always led the way through strange airports, cities and streets. But remember how much more you paid attention to street names, landmarks and so forth the first time you sat in the driver’s seat of a car? When you were a passenger, it wasn’t vital for you to know exactly how to get around. So, let them find a taxi or plan the subway route to your daily activity. Let them pick which boat company to hire for an afternoon snorkel trip—and negotiate the price. Allow them to pick a restaurant and sell the rest of the group on it. Let them plan a day that you haven’t shored up plans for. Give them space to fail—or succeed—because even most screw-ups will be fine and give you plenty to reminisce and laugh about in the coming years.
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